January 2011

~ Wow, where to start. A lot has been going around in just within a month. I think I'm gonna have a major headache, hahaha.. Anyway, everything's fine up to where I found out that my very old schoolmate have a major crush for me since we were kids. The problem is, I don't even remember what happen during my school days. I was a kid! What do you expect from a kid. Seriously!! I was shock, I didn't know what to do. Later, he ask me to be his girlfriend and without giving it much thought, I agree to it on ONE condition, I can't give him what he expected from me because I don't really have a thing for him. I don't even know him that much. So, I told him I will TRY my best to not let him down. He was asking too much of me. He knew that I like someone else because I told him before he ask me to be his girl. I told him everything he wanted to know. Is it wrong? If he really does love me like he said he is, why he ask. I know he feels insecure about his love life because he just got dumped by his previous girlfriend last month but I have my own feelings as well. Through out the conversation, it feels like he wanted me to follow everything he says and wants. I can't do that! He really does freak me out. I got these unpleasantness feeling when he ask me to be his girl. Because the truth is I am still hoping on the 1st guy I had a crush on. But like a saying says, "We could not always have our 1st love", it is true because I found out that he likes someone else. He have finally found someone he likes =) that is good because truthfully, I had a hunch that its gonna happen, just that I am not sure when it's gonna be. You know, when you put all your hopes in a guy you like, it really does break your heart when you know that he's not even have the slightest interest in you. Then after all this time, were it just all out of kindness or/and pity? I feel betrayed. I really put my hopes in him and even believe in him but no, nothing. I feel like crying whenever I think about it because he doesn't even want to try. Although it's hard, can't he even try? and I feel like all this time, I was the only one feeling it. I feel so stupid. I feel like I'm the dumbest person ever for not realizing it. Was all that just an act? Were you even truthful in all you said to me? I guess its just to make me feel better, right? I was such a fool! After I have gave my heart to you. But then again, maybe you don't realize it. The feeling I had for you is true & sincere..*sigh*
Although it is hard to let you go, I must do what I should have a long time ago. I am still unsure of this act of mine. I am still having doubts. But I don't mind getting hurt. I'll take that as an experience. So, don't worry about me (^_^)

Wish you all the happiness in the world. Maybe there won't be another chance for us but I will not stop hoping for it. If its meant to be, then its meant to be but if its not, then it is not. I want to thank you for all your kindness that you shower me with and I will cherish all the memories we had together :) Thanks for the wonderful memories and I hope you be able to express your feelings more and not be afraid. And I'm glad that we're able to be friends cause I don't like it. I'm not the type to leave a friend. Friends are my 2nd priority after my family^^
And I want you to know that I'm always gonna be here for you, no matter what, just don't be shy to me OK. We're friends now, no need to be shy (^_~) and one more important thing . . .

I will always love you be it as a friend or more than just a friend and I want you to know that you will always have a space, here, in this heart of mine until the day I've found someone better..
Thank You~♥

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