Many things happen within this month, but where to begin, hmmm~
Problems?? Wonder if I have one for this month. Yeah, there is but alhamdulillah, it's all settled.
Macam² perkara berlaku dlm bulan nih. Baik yg bagus atau buruk. Due² nih xleh nk pisahkan. Adoilah~~ nak buat camner, semuanye ujian dari Nya, jadi, tabahkanlah hati ni mengharungi ujian-Nya^^
nk criter lebih² xleh lak sbb joinngan Facebook, kang ade jek yg tau criter kan..^^ so, criter ape yg patut jek ;) xleh lebih².. kalau pasal hati & perasaan.. boleh kot ? hahahaha.. ontahlew.. sy pon x tahu nk criter kek mano.. hahaha..
hari ni sebenarnyew, sy tengah dok pusing pale mikir pasal mamat sorang nih, ntahlew, konfused dibuat nyew.. sy pon x tahu lah ape yg ade kt dalam pemikiran die nih.. kejap A pastuh B, pastu ke C.. hadoilah~~ penat².. pikir pon bleh jadi penat tau..hahahaha..
nway, mamat nih, sy x tahulah nk criter camner, die ni kan, actually, he was my first crush since I've finished my schooling.. I met him after my the death of my dear ones; my dad and my little brother. We went to my mom home town to celebrate the birthday of our sole living grandma. She's 83 this year. She's just counting the days, so, we were hoping to be there with her a lot than we should be, but the problem is, our distances with each other *sigh* there's nothing to do with that.. but we were hoping to be there for her ;).. and that's the start of my story and him.
I think he can see that I'm interested in him and so is he, in a way, maybe^^ but I don't mind if he's fooling me though.. OK, cut to the chase, I like him, to call it love, still unsure of, but seeing him through out my stay there, makes me sure, that he's the one. But things happen and I kind of find out that he's not up for it. I mean about the relationship. I'm OK with all that, there is no need to be angry with him for so long. What's in the past, stays in the past^^ I don't hold grudges like that if I don't feel it that way^^ Rest assured ;)
OK, the thing is, I don't quite understand about his feelings lately. Nak je aku g sane, belasah die pastuh tanye, KO NI DH KENAPE? X SEHAT KE APE? hahahaha!!! nak je I tanye die.. cause he sound like he has problems. Problems with his heart.. hahahaha.. that's what I think.. seriously, if you read his status, you would think, "what d heck?why so emo?", something like that..
some of it, i can relate to but the recent one, the last part, it doesn't even relate to me, so I think, "ahh, he's not talking about me. it must have been someone else", when I think about this, actually, I felt like a thousand pins being pinned through my heart. It hurts. You know, the feeling of hoping that the other person feels the same as you do but turns out that he doesn't and make you thinks, "then what about the things that happens between us before? doesn't it mean something to him?" it hurts you know, when I read it, but still, somehow, a part of me, doesn't want to believe it. half of my heart believes it, and half of it ignores it and wanted to see it for itself.. I just hope that he come straight to the point. Even if it will shattered my heart, at least, I know^^
And for the record you big whimp, I'm still single OK. I didn't even gave my heart to anybody that is worthy of it. I gave my heart to you when I didn't realized I already have.. When I don't want to loose you to anyone. I realized it then, that my feelings for you is very strong that I don't even realized it.. Such a stupid me^^ but its ok. Even if I don't realized it, it'll be for the better. I don't have to wait for you like this^^ .. I hope all this confusion will come to an end when the answer is revealed to us one day (^_~)v
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